I streched my hands out
it was right in the middle of the night.....
i groped for my phone...pulsating and droning like the voice inside my head...
eyes opened to a slit
i looked at the display....no call...no message...
what was i groping for??
my phone i thought...
why do i still wake up with your taste in my mouth....
with your smell all over me..when you are gone so far..so far away from me...
i grope for you...for your warmth..the facade you carressed me in...
a sudden crash...an abrupt halt...a pain right up my spine...a chill near my neck..
your hands on my face...your hands on my stiches..
reading out aloud in death silence the vows of love...i love ya baby...i love ya...
an u-turn...you say you don't know me anymore...you say you don't want me anymore
you say you don't want it...
you didn't tell me why...you didn't move...still like your eyes on me...while i gently wept..
you didn't flicker even once..
you were sure that pain was gone...you kissed my crystal pain and said ..never...never again...
i look away from the phone and cry...no tears no more...no pain...so cold...frigid...
the bitter taste in my mouth...your mouth rather...
my love incomplete...my bones cracked into two pieces...four in all...
you said never ...never again...
i believed as you said...i believed as you did...
Friday, February 8, 2008
Sunday..i realise and think over
your face......naive and confused..
your hands soft and deft...
skillfull in your own opinion ...but no magic for me....
the right choice..eveyone says...encourages...
but i feel like a creep...feel like i'm screwing you over...
leading you on to a place where you would never reached ...except you met me...
Karma Police got me more than once...but this is what you get..this is what you get...
trust such a cliched word...the thin line...life altering...
i don't ...anymore...and this is what you get...
go away to your happy place...leave my dashboard...go away...
i say boy ...there is no magic...no spark ..no passion...no romance...left anymore....
i can't take it anymore....useless existence....a social smile ...
was thinking last night....felt the blues creep in....my hands tied...
not your fault....but i can't see my green anymore...my green is battered after fighting and struggling to keep up its shade...
your white bekons me ...tempts me....but i shoudn't...
i should let you be....go away...go...go...to your happy palce...to the place where people still speak ...not with eyes and not with hands...
the place where alls practical...painted real...my place is an illusion...
my place doesn't last for too long....go...go away...i won't
your hands soft and deft...
skillfull in your own opinion ...but no magic for me....
the right choice..eveyone says...encourages...
but i feel like a creep...feel like i'm screwing you over...
leading you on to a place where you would never reached ...except you met me...
Karma Police got me more than once...but this is what you get..this is what you get...
trust such a cliched word...the thin line...life altering...
i don't ...anymore...and this is what you get...
go away to your happy place...leave my dashboard...go away...
i say boy ...there is no magic...no spark ..no passion...no romance...left anymore....
i can't take it anymore....useless existence....a social smile ...
was thinking last night....felt the blues creep in....my hands tied...
not your fault....but i can't see my green anymore...my green is battered after fighting and struggling to keep up its shade...
your white bekons me ...tempts me....but i shoudn't...
i should let you be....go away...go...go...to your happy palce...to the place where people still speak ...not with eyes and not with hands...
the place where alls practical...painted real...my place is an illusion...
my place doesn't last for too long....go...go away...i won't
Monday, February 4, 2008
Result of a Miniature War
Wow!!! It’s honestly taken me ages to do this.
Actually get down to writing...
Initially I kept telling them (those who really wanted me to start writing again) that I need internet at home, for me to do this. And that there is too much of distraction at work .Even when I come in, at 8 in the morning and there’s no one except for the janitor playing the fool with his vacuum cleaner and the security right outside the 4th floor sometimes saying "good morning ma’m" and mostly” good morning Sir" in his semi state of wakefulness, one can imagine the magnitude of distraction :)then after a lot of cribbing and simultaneous bitching..i did get internet at home. Now that was hard on me...
To go back home everyday and pretend that I’m doing something worthwhile. To often look at different damp patches (counting them like it means a lot) and then staring at the array of medicines scattered on the computer table and thinking when am I going to give them up. All this and no writing…Cursing all the good people and the lectures they give me about how I have the potential of being a productive person .phew!!!! I’ve been doing this for whole of Jan-08 on the pretext of writing...
Guess where I am right now? :) At work...with multitude of people screaming there heads out at each other...clinking of keyboards. Phones ringing..collegeues offering sweets ranging from"sohan halwa to kaju barfi to death by chocolate"..someone turned an "uncle" last night. Someone came back from "Bangalore"(reference point Sohan halwa") and so on and so forth happy occasions for sweets. Makes me feel small... :( I never get sweets for anyone. Not even the day when my niece came home. Not when…never really...
The irony is that. Amidst curious glances and myriad interruptions I’m writing now...
I think I feel better this way. Among people. There is something captivating about this boring and mundane milieu...colorful though (its gurgaon..So color is never really a concern...Theres an abundance of it)
Thus I begin my blog...I take an oath right now to sit down as often as I can( which I swear is going to be often)for me to make a difference to my otherwise insipid and lack luster life!
I’m feeling good.. :)
P.S—Thank you for pushing me to a corner to do this...Thankyou for waging the miniature war against me…
Actually get down to writing...
Initially I kept telling them (those who really wanted me to start writing again) that I need internet at home, for me to do this. And that there is too much of distraction at work .Even when I come in, at 8 in the morning and there’s no one except for the janitor playing the fool with his vacuum cleaner and the security right outside the 4th floor sometimes saying "good morning ma’m" and mostly” good morning Sir" in his semi state of wakefulness, one can imagine the magnitude of distraction :)then after a lot of cribbing and simultaneous bitching..i did get internet at home. Now that was hard on me...
To go back home everyday and pretend that I’m doing something worthwhile. To often look at different damp patches (counting them like it means a lot) and then staring at the array of medicines scattered on the computer table and thinking when am I going to give them up. All this and no writing…Cursing all the good people and the lectures they give me about how I have the potential of being a productive person .phew!!!! I’ve been doing this for whole of Jan-08 on the pretext of writing...
Guess where I am right now? :) At work...with multitude of people screaming there heads out at each other...clinking of keyboards. Phones ringing..collegeues offering sweets ranging from"sohan halwa to kaju barfi to death by chocolate"..someone turned an "uncle" last night. Someone came back from "Bangalore"(reference point Sohan halwa") and so on and so forth happy occasions for sweets. Makes me feel small... :( I never get sweets for anyone. Not even the day when my niece came home. Not when…never really...
The irony is that. Amidst curious glances and myriad interruptions I’m writing now...
I think I feel better this way. Among people. There is something captivating about this boring and mundane milieu...colorful though (its gurgaon..So color is never really a concern...Theres an abundance of it)
Thus I begin my blog...I take an oath right now to sit down as often as I can( which I swear is going to be often)for me to make a difference to my otherwise insipid and lack luster life!
I’m feeling good.. :)
P.S—Thank you for pushing me to a corner to do this...Thankyou for waging the miniature war against me…
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